


Brotherly Messages

by alexdamien



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 10:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexdamien/pseuds/alexdamien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>110 Messages Germany has sent or said over the phone to Prussia. </p>
<p>Their home life is never dull, that's for sure, but Germany wishes it didn't involve the police so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brotherly Messages

  1. Now don’t try to blame this on France, I know it wasn’t him.
  2. Italy is worth more than five kegs!
  3. You keep talking about how great the beer was but all I hear is _We still don’t know where Italy’s underwear is_
  4. Attaching the turtles to the birds was clearly a flawed plan from the start.
  5. I did wonder why you had all those sexy nun costumes
  6. I don’t care what they told you, you can’t keep those birds
  7. I know he seems very excited but lunch at England’s place still sounds like a bad idea
  8. I’m still not baking you a cake in such a crude shape
  9. No don’t call emergency services, I can get you down from there and I don’t want another international scandal
  10. I’m not paying for the rug in that hotel room
  11. So help me, if I get another call from anyone demanding their underwear back I will get angry
  12. When you said you were all sparkling I assumed it was metaphorically
  13. Canada asked about his maple syrup but I didn’t have the heart to tell him
  14. People are not as appreciative of that this century
  15. I don’t think the Spanish Inquisition joke extends to Spain
  16. And this is why you can’t have a cat. Hold on, I’m getting the bandages.
  17. And theoretically why would you want to reattach that and to whom?
  18. No, monocles aren’t fashionable anymore
  19. I just want to know if you gave back all the bunnies because I keep hearing something shuffling in the attic
  20. I told you you wouldn’t fit in those pantyhose
  21. Did you seriously think the birds would lift you? I mean, I know they tried their best, but…
  22. No, Gilbird doesn’t need another wardrobe change.
  23. If I wear the flower crown will you stop crying?
  24. I think Greece will notice that all his cats are now blue
  25. Romano has to be back and sober before Spain notices he’s gone.
  26. But I still think we’re gonna need a goat to get Italy out of there.
  27. Tell me you didn’t seriously mean that rude thing with the bottle and the banana.
  28. Just because Netherlands took the money for it doesn't mean it’s right
  29. I know Spain thought it would be fun, but parkour and wine just don’t mix well
  30. Just drop the bagels and step away slowly, I’ll be there soon
  31. Pancakes aren’t going to cut it as an apology this time
  32. How many snakes are we talking about?
  33. You need to take those teenagers out of the well now, they’ve learned their lesson.
  34. But did you make sure Italy wasn’t naked?
  35. I know he made it for the pasta, but heels that high… never mind, did you take a photo?
  36. France having a free pass for public indecency doesn’t mean you do too
  37. No don’t swallow it! Spit it and rinse your mouth for as long as you can!
  38. That wasn’t a good idea to get free drinks but you and Spain looked very good in those dresses
  39. I just want to know what you were thinking about when you poked it
  40. I don’t care what France says, it still doesn’t sounds like a good idea.
  41. Why is there a helicopter in the front yard?
  42. I don’t think his relationship with the Vatican lets Italy confess you…no, not Spain either.
  43. Anything that has to do with the mafia can’t end well. Especially when Romano is involved.
  44. Just tell the eagles to go already, it’s only fun for America and England will be pissed off for months.
  45. But when did quicksand enter the equation? Ah, I see…
  46. But why are all these rat things here?! Ok, fine, lemurs.
  47. Please stop crying, you know it belongs to the zoo.
  48. Just hang up, call Romano and explain your situation, he’ll sort it out. Mention that Spain is in drag if he refuses to help.
  49. You kept singing lullabies to me and couldn’t bear to hang up on you.
  50. But how conscious was Austria when you carried him during that wife carrying competition? Fifteen shots? _Fifty shots??_
  51. I don’t think that’s enough to kill you but you should probably try to puke. Now. Puke now.
  52. I don’t think Friedrich the Great would approve of you using potatoes for that.
  53. I’m not letting you keep that disco ball
  54. But I don’t think the mafia cuts off fingers? Ah, the Japanese mafia. I was already dialing Romano’s number
  55. But why did you stick your dick in it? France dared you? We’ve talked about France’s dares before.
  56. I don’t care how much you get for it, stop selling my underwear!
  57. But I thought moonshine meant… something different…
  58. Even if they don’t find you, you shouldn’t stay in that refrigerator.
  59. For the last time, dogs don’t drink beer!
  60. And how did they come to the conclusion that you were a stripper? Yes, I know vodka was involved.
  61. Please tell me it’s not England’s car the one that’s underwater. It is? Oh.
  62. Stop peeing in public fountains. All of you.
  63. I’m not paying for another piano
  64. Remove that photo from your blog. Or at least censor it for god’s sake!
  65. I know Spain does it all the time, but you have to stop trying bullfighting
  66. Put out the fires in the couch first, then call me back.
  67. Yes, 300, but how many did you eat? All?!
  68. No. No more pandas.
  69. Those cakes are made of carton so the strippers can get inside them. They’re not real cakes. I just…heard about it once. And what’s this got to do with Italy?
  70. I don’t think it matters that you’re wearing a thong. Only a thong? Ok, stay in that cupboard. I’m calling France, he’ll know what to do.
  71. Bruder I know you’re stuck in a billboard in drag, stop lying. I’m watching you on the news and that skirt is far too short
  72. I don’t care who hit who first. Find Romano, wash him off, and bring him back to Spain or I’m telling.
  73. Did you leave Gilbird in the dryer again? I’m hearing chirping from the laundry room.
  74. I told you it was a good idea to write our phone number on yourself before you went out drinking with Spain and France. Now we just have to figure out where they are.
  75. But who is on fire, Spain or the nurse? Spain is the nurse?!
  76. I know they’re tears of happiness, but you have to deal with all those turtles now so please stop crying
  77. That amount of carrot juice can’t be good for you
  78. When I told you to get a job I meant something that didn’t involve stripping.  You or anyone else.
  79. And how much of that money came from the stripping club?
  80. He ended up liking it, but you still should have woke up France before waxing his chest
  81. You kept carrying that bodybuilder around and claiming he was me, so yes, you are still grounded
  82. If you can’t feel it anymore, then the snake is probably not in your pants anymore.
  83. You stuffed how many guinea pigs down your pants?
  84. France just sent me a recording of you shouting Nooo over and over with bits of sobbing in between, so I baked you a cake for when you want to tell me what happened
  85. You have to get out of Austria’s closet and come back home. Yes he knows you’re there, he can hear you crying
  86. So you paid with a lap dance? No, I’m just surprised they gave you change
  87. You didn’t have to tell Italy how big my cock is!... Well, if he asked first, uhm…
  88. Then don’t call me, call an ambulance! The ambulance is on fire too?!
  89. That’s still not enough beer to make me forgive you
  90. I did understand that you were covered in birds, but I didn’t think it was an outstanding emergency.
  91. Stop sending me nudes.
  92. What does Chris Browned means? Who is Chris Brown?
  93. Vodka shots with Russia… Repeat that a few times and then tell me the reasons why that’s not the best way to fix your relationship with him
  94. You signed Jill Blitzmidtz but the bar already know to call me in those cases
  95. How many prostitutes are in your car and which one’s driving?
  96. Why is there a Wii remote sticking out of the tv? Yes, you’re paying for it, but we don’t own a Wii so I was curious.
  97. And they’re paying you? They’re paying France? France is charging for you to-? Stop. Stop and don’t take off any more clothes, I’ll be there soon.
  98. You kept saying that Russia had a huge cock and crying but when I asked if he did anything to you, you just started laughing while crying so I didn’t know if it was bad.
  99. There had better not be any more birdseed in my car when I get back.
  100. Why does Berlitz smell like rum? And Blackie is still going around in circles, I don’t know how to make him stop.
  101. I’m so proud of you for not hitting back that twelve year old that gave you a black eye.
  102. Sweden wants his kid back. No, you can’t sell him back to England, Sweden says he paid for that child first.
  103. You had “Frederich II is my homeboy” written in marker on your inner thigh. I _had_ to take a photo.
  104. Don’t do anything Germania wouldn’t approve of. Yes, I know that limits the options for night entertainment but try it for a bit.
  105. You said it was legal in America, but Alfred informs me it is not so you’re going to have to give back that flamingo.
  106. You kept showing everyone your thong, but Spain put you in that closet when Romano started taking photos.
  107. You’re doing shots with the bosses of which mafia?
  108. I don’t know what you drank, but on the way back you suddenly got very quiet and then started crying because you remembered how great Friedrich the Great was. Then you kept repeating Great over and over again.
  109. If you call me in the middle of a blowjob again I’m throwing away all your pandas.
  110. Der Polizei already know our address. They said you asked them to not tell me where they found you and then passed out, so now I’m really curious.



**Author's Note:**

> I uploaded this one to tumblr a while ago and only just thought it would be a good idea to keep it here too.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! Please consider leaving kudos or a comment. That would make me really happy!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Sir, you have a message from Captain Rogers.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6287671) by [fakesheep-luna (octavaluna)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/octavaluna/pseuds/fakesheep-luna)




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